Temporairly Insane

I really can’t tell you how it feels to have nobody.

It blank and emotionless (it’s vivid pain).

It hurts but not really (yes it does).

It’s painful but only a little bit (i’m lying).

It’s agony but it’s in my mind (not really).

It’s simple (for you).

It’s hard (for me).

It’s my fault (it’s not).

I really can’t blame you (yes I can).

I can’t hurt you (but I wish I could).

I cry (but only inside).

I think (about you and her and what I did wrong).

I wish (that it would be different).

I feel that it’s silly (it’s stupid).

I know it’s feeling (that are worthless….)

There are always the highs and the lows of being rejected. First off, you never have to deal with the boy who probably wants to go farther into the relationship or go out on dates. You will never have to deal with the fights that break out over talking to other boys or girls. He will never get jealous of your best friend because there is no “he”. You can forever be in peace with the thought that maybe you can make it work…being a free person and all. Then there are the fingers pulling at your strings. He’s so sweet and caring. He helps you with your homework and lets you shoot him in Call of Duty 4. At the time he may seem like your everything. You would let him borrow anything…even Fable 2. And when he announces that he’s leaving, you cry because you can’t imagine not talking to him every night before your mom comes in and says, “Get off the phone, it’s time for bed.” And even though he likes that other girl that lives so far away, you can’t help but hope that she’ll hurt him so that you can put him back together when he falls apart. You listen to his chatter about her perfect eyes and her pretty smile, but deep inside all you can think is, “I hope that bitch burns in Hell.”  And when he’s home and he mutters to himself while typing you a message you know he’s thinking about her…maybe even talking to her at the same time. So really there is no point to list about highs and lows, because even though you think your happy you he doesn’t think about you before he goes to bed and when he wakes up again.

So many people claim Obama as our savor, the man that will change America. Barack says he has so many plans to help our country, but I don’t see it that way. As the blue spread across the computer screen and the check by Obama’s name appears I feel anger fill me. Not because Barack is a bad person, par say, but because he has so many idea about life that I dislike. Pro-abortions? No gay marriage? War?  Is this really what the president of America should be campaigning about? Maybe he will end the war in Iraq, but what is to say that he will not start another war? Is it another mistake? Like Clinton and Bush? Is it another wrong decision that will bring America plummeting to its end? I think so. Politics were never my strong suit, but when I believe in somebody I stick by him. My judgment on Bush was wrong, but McCain felt right. He seemed more reassuring than Obama. I stick by my judgment, McCain would have been better, but seeing as Obama won the election I will have to slowly work away from my dislike for our new president – Barack Hussein Obama. Mean while, I will be saving my money to buy a plane ticket to Canada.  

Scotti <3 

                Many things require trial and error. Like a math problem. Maybe a + b = c, but what are the number that fill in a and b? And how do they make c?  If you think about it, love is like an equation. You + him/her = love, complicated because you have to keep guessing who might fit in the him/her category.  I guess you might stop looking and give up for a moment, but if you do give up will you get an “F” in love like you would get on your math homework? Just my theory, but if you did give up looking being lonely would equal and “F” in some ways.

Scotti<3

 A pain run through my chest and I feel like I am about to fall over from the pain of being alone. Even though I a surrounded by friends that are laughing and playing I feel excluded. Emily leans forward in her seat and whispers into my ear, “What is wrong?” I shake my head and pull my backpack to my chest as the bus lurches forward into another daring curve in the road. “Honey, what’s wrong?” she smiles and looks me straight in the eyes. I turn away. And mutter under my breath, “Nothing.” Her fingers run through my hair as she asks the simple question again. “Sam, what’s wrong?” Tear form around my eyes and I can’t seems to keep it inside any longer. “I’m alone. You have Rob, Linda has Louie, Erin has Zack and I have nobody. Nothing. Zip. Nada.” Tear run down my face. They really aren’t clear tears – more a pale skin color from my cover-up. My heart seems to stop as she eyes me. “Don’t worry. You’ll have somebody. I promise.” The promise seems to bring a beat back into my heart and dries the tears from my eyes.  Her words seem to take control of the situation and even though I am still lonely I still have hope. Sometimes, you don’t need somebody to complete you. A significant other can bring problems and drama and right now, I don’t need that. I still want somebody, but when it’s right you know. It won’t be just anybody it will be your somebody. Scotti <3

My eyes drop and my cheeks turn a deep pink color. I feel the blood rush into my head and I feel like I am going to fall over. The only thing holding me up? My dance partner. The one that had just mashed his lips against mine. My heart flutters and I feel normal again. After my last kiss, I thought I would never be able to deal with a boy trying to put his tounge down my throat, but I was fine now. His eyes looked me up and down and I leaned my head against his sholder and the song changed into a fast beat - Welcome to the Jungle by Guns-N-Roses.   The boy grabbed my hands and we started to dance.

“I have to pee.” He said and his hands drop from mine. His friend’s drop their dance partners too and head to the bathroom with him.

“Wait there,” he yells and I do. I wait for two songs, by the boy doesn’t return so I leave. And even though I saw him two more times that night and i have seen him four times at school, he hasn’t said a word about our kiss. He hit the child crossing the street with his Dodge Ram and continued on. Never looking back to see if the little girl he hit was okay.

Maybe she’ll never recover. Or maybe she will, who knows? People break and they heal - no matter what body part is snapped in half.

Scotti<3